The Herd

There are many, many-many-many names that these kids of mine go by. Some have been spoken from my lips..other have been heard from the random people that seem to think they are civilized members of society.

They have been My Duckies, My Monkees, The Herd (of people I'm responsible for feeding) and the most commonly used "those are mine." This one is most often heard after the entire crew and I make an entrance (anywhere) and the kids do anything. Really. Walking and breathing included. "OMG are ALL THOSE yours?!" and "Those kids cleaned me out of samples...who do they belong to?!"...Umm yea.

They, as a group are a definite force to be reckoned with, I should know- Ive been out numbered for years now. And they can smell fear. Greater than the sum of their individual parts- they are often divided into smaller, more manageable groups (haha manageable?!)

The Big'uns, The Shorties, The Teens, The Twins, The Ladies, The Boys, The Tiny Hineys. Umm, yea. Those are mine.

When discussing The Herd with family, it is not uncommon to hear a child or group referred to "by the numbers"...Mom and Pop have 11 little monsters they lovingly call grandchildren... I am the proud claim holder to #1,2,3,4,5,7, and 9.

In order of relative size and approximate birth date (that's a lot of dates to remember...cut me some slack!) here are the Fruit Of My Wombs...

Dozer. He is my first born, curly haired, sings in Italian for the choir, electronic loving ladies man. He just turned 18, got his drivers license, and is planning on graduating high school this year. Actually I'm planning on him graduating, he seems to go for the choir, and the Ladies. He was nick named Dozer (short for bulldozer) when he was 2...it just seems to fir even more now. Its past noon and the lump on his bed is still snoring. He's amazing and completely frustrating. One of the biggest Smart Asses I have ever met. And that's an accomplishment- he comes from a long line of them.

Blondie. Who hates to have anything to do with the referencing of her natural hair color, especially when it rings sooooo true. She is 16 year old drop dead gorgeous girl, who has no idea that she is. She is also a singer, has made it through drivers training- by some act of God. She is my moody teen, my reader. She is a physics whiz...but too "bored" to turn in her other homework. She is a walking contradiction- and that is just one of the reasons why she's so awesome.

The Twinners, Double Trouble, Frick and Frack, This One and The Other One... They are my almost teenagers. They are the reason that my hairdresser can afford a vacation. Almost identical, hardly ever apart...they can swap personalities faster than you can say "wonder twin powers activate!!" They swap classes in school, love to swap clothes it family get togethers just to confuse the relations, and then get really upset if you mix them up when they don't want you to. These turkeys have always demanded - and receive- constant attention. They crack me up. They crack themselves up. They are always the first to remind us that crack kills. They are the cause of 89.7% of the reason I have the most impressive set of stretch marks this side of the neighborhood. Thanks girls. (and yes I can hear you giggling back there!!)

#5, is My T. He grew up, being bigger than his big twisters. I can't begin to tell you how many "Are they TRIPLETS?!" I heard on my many trips to WallyWorld. He is my newly minted 11 year old, super sensitive guy, with Angelina Jolie lips. He is my Dyslexic, allergic to bees, I can fix anything-kinda- handy man. He is the one who always knows when I need a hug, has the best- most infectious laugh I have ever heard, sweetest ornery guy out there.

Squash has been, and is possibly still the reigning Loudest Child on the Planet. He is a justifiable Smarty Pants- who has the smarts to back it up. This Boyo is a seven year, 11 month and 3 week old who is never wrong. Always explaining everything that you tell him, I can do it! little man. He is a firecracker and had he been #1 instead of my #6...he probably would have been a very only child. I love the stinker, but man- he does keep me on my toes!

Then there's Baby Girl, Princess Buttercup. The tiniest hiney of all. Shes unnaturally cute and knows it. She starts 1st grade this year and already has a herd of "boyfriends" even though they are mostly her big brothers buddies. She loves anything and everything super girly...so she can be properly dressed to climb trees and play in the mud. She is my sweetie pie.

I realize how awesome these guys are...just as I hear them destroying the living room! Gotta love 'em. Its in the handbook :)


*disclaimer. For all the whining, teasing, moaning, and gushing that I will obviously be writing about- I love these little Boogers far more than I could ever throw them. Honest. And kids, if you are reading this- your rooms still a mess, no you cant have $10, and quit licking your sister. Ahem.